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Intention for the week: act like every plot twist is just research for your future memoir, not a mistake that defines your entire story.
PS: you can listen to “The Opposite of Settling” FOR FREE as an audiobook on Spotify (must have Spotify Premium and be in the US). Just click here.
THREE mindsets to help you reflect, rebel, and reinvent…
1. Claim it before you have it.
Everything you want wants you even more (neuroscience proves it)
Research shows why some people's dreams chase them back: they claim their future before it arrives. It's called psychological ownership: when you claim something as already yours, your brain activates similar neural patterns as if you actually own it.
You show up differently, persist longer, and things find you instead of you chasing them. Why? Your brain fights harder for what it believes it already has vs. what it hopes to get.
Studies show athletes perform better when they visualize themselves as the champion - not just trying to win.
You don't attract what you want. You attract what you've already claimed. The energy is "I'm here to collect what's mine."
Don’t say "I want this job." Say "That's my job, I'm just meeting the people who will confirm it.” It’s not “I hope this works out.” It’s "I can already see this unfolds beautifully.”
Decide everything you want is already yours and watch how much you attract.
2. The breakup was necessary
Here are 4 signs the breakup was necessary (from my podcast, “New Mindset, Who Dis?”)
1. Were you always making excuses for them? The breakup was necessary.
- They’re just so busy, I'll be their priority soon.
- They're still hurt by their ex, that’s why they go hot and cold.
- They lied, but they did it to protect me.
You should never have to make excuses for someone’s dishonesty. Their mixed signals. Their lack of commitment.
2. Was your reaction to the relationship ending relief and hope? The breakup was necessary.
Relief that you no longer have to make excuses for them? Hope that you’re gonna be just fine. That you're excited for what’s to come?
That’s a powerful sign. Life doesn't end when you have to tear down everything you’ve built and start over. That’s when better things fall into place, and you can feel it in your soul.
3. Do you feel like you can finally be honest with yourself? The breakup was necessary.
Clarity can be sudden and eye opening. Are you able to finally be honest with yourself that it WASN’T working? That you no longer need to convince yourself that you’re happy when you aren’t? Or convince yourself that you’re happy with what you’re being offered? Or convince yourself that you were chosen by them when you were the only one doing the choosing?
Honesty with yourself is like learning to breathe again. It changes everything.
4. Do you like yourself better now vs. in the relationship? The breakup was necessary.
A relationship is supposed to help you level up. It shouldn’t drain you, make you feel less capable, or make you feel anxious.
If you find yourself saying “the person I am outside of the relationship feels more free, more energetic, more ambitious, more driven, and more secure”… the breakup was necessary.
In the aftermath of a breakup, you realize how much energy you spent trying to make "almosts" and “maybes” work. Now, you have energy for yourself again.
3. Major life cheat code…
Respond to your anxious thoughts with "noted, moving on." Studies show roughly 91% of worries don't actually come true - your brain is worrying about a future that statistically won't exist.
Some things I’m excited about…
Reminder…
You made the right decision when you prioritized your happiness for the first time in a long time. Trust that.
Twice a week…
Most of my writing and thoughts come from my podcast. It’s free and I release new, short (less than 20 minutes) episodes every Monday and Thursday. Listen here.
Let’s work together.
This year I’m focused on doing MORE in-person events, speaking, and workshops. Optimism is amplified in community. If you’re interested in bringing me in to lead one of my “language of optimism” sessions for your company or community, visit this page.
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That’s it for today. See you next time.
- Case Kenny
