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- 🧠They're to blame, not you
🧠They're to blame, not you
... also this is more attractive than you think
Case Kenny
November 24, 2025
In partnership with
The part of your story where you chose to start over instead of settling for less is going to be the reason you end up happy. Keep going.
Reminder: I’m hosting a FREE virtual session on December 2nd to help you create optimism and clarity in your life. I teamed up with Beat Childhood Cancer for it, so it’s a great cause. » Register here «
THREE mindsets to help you reflect, rebel, and reinvent…
1. You didn’t deserve what happened to you.
At some point, someone hurt you in a way you absolutely did not deserve, but instead of questioning them, you questioned yourself. You internalized their behavior as proof that you were too emotional, too trusting, too much, or not enough. You rewrote history to make the pain make sense.
Sometimes we think self-blame gives us control: If it was my fault, I can prevent it next time. But “you didn’t deserve that” forces separation between what happened and what it meant. You can be loving and still be overlooked. Loyal and still be betrayed. Honest and still be punished for it. Their choices reflected their capacity, not your worth. It happens. And when it does… it’s absolutely not your fault.
This truth is uncomfortable because it removes the illusion of control. If you didn’t deserve it, you couldn’t have prevented it - and that’s terrifying. But acknowledging that unfairness is the first step toward emotional freedom. You can’t heal from something you’ve convinced yourself was justified.
“You didn’t deserve that” doesn’t erase the past - it puts the pain back where it belongs. It frees you from carrying blame that was never yours.
(listen to episode 755 for more on this topic)
2. Major cheat codes in life
Sometimes the key to life is doing the opposite of what you’ve been doing. I hope one of these inspires you to do something outrageously, delusionally opposite.
Major cheat code in life: speak up when something feels off. Most problems grow roots because no one says anything early.
Major cheat code in life: take yourself out on solo dates. You can create joy without waiting on anyone.
Major cheat code in life: spend more time with people who make you laugh easily. They remind you that life isn’t supposed to feel so heavy.
Major cheat code in life: say YES to spontaneous plans. You create stories you’ll talk about years from now.
Major cheat code in life: be the person who introduces people to each other. Everyone remembers who made their world feel bigger.
Major cheat code in life:ask for clarity instead of pretending you’re cool with things being confusing. It keeps you from wasting time on the wrong person.
Which of these speak to you?
3. This is more attractive than you think…
It’s actually very attractive to: say, “This is what I’m looking for” because the right person will be eager to meet you there.
It’s actually very attractive to show your goofy and unfiltered self early on, because the right person will see it as a green flag.
It’s actually very attractive to say, “I need clarity” because the right person will want to make sure you feel safe with them.
It’s actually very attractive to ask, “What are your intentions?” because the right person will want to skip the guessing games.
It’s actually very attractive to ask for reassurance because the right person will want to calm your mind, not add to your doubts.
Some things I’m excited about…
A mantra for you
Your future self wants you to know the detours led exactly where you needed to go.
A favor?
If you read and enjoyed my book “The Opposite of Settling,” can you give it a 5-star rating and review on Amazon? It’s VERY helpful and would mean a lot to me. Just click here and scroll down to “write a customer review.”
Optimism is THE cheat code in life
Don’t just take my word for it. Research shows that:
Optimists have longer and more satisfying relationships. Optimists earn significantly more money over time than their pessimistic counterparts. Optimists live longer - up to 15% longer and have lower risk of heart disease and fewer strokes. Optimists are more creative. Optimists are more likeable within 60 seconds of meeting new people.
Pretty compelling, right? My passion is leading my in-person “Language of Optimism” keynotes/workshops. If you’re interested in having me lead one of these for your company or community, please reach out. Just click here.
That’s it for today. See you next time.
- Case Kenny
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