🧠 The science of "delusional confidence"

“Sometimes you just gotta be a bit too intense for the wrong people but exactly right for yourself.” - a mindset.

Here are three mindsets to help you walk through life like good things are on their way to you.

- Case Kenny (@case.kenny)

1. The science of “delusional confidence”

In my new episode of the podcast, I talk about what delusional confidence is and how it impacts others. I define being delusional as “walking through life like good things are on their way to you.” To be delusionally confident is to walk through life like good people are on their way to you. The right people. The right friends. The right partner. Because you know that, you’re calm. Regulated. You’re not chasing. And people are attracted to that for THREE reasons.

• People are subconsciously attracted to ease. This is called neuroception- your brain constantly scans others for cues of safety or threat. When you show up with “delusional” confidence, it actually makes others feel safe to be around you. Your confidence isn’t intimidating. It’s regulating. And people are drawn to it. It puts them at ease, and that’s subconsciously attractive.

• Cognitive dissonance. If you treat yourself like you’re worth knowing, worth respecting, and worth loving… people will often adjust their perception to match that treatment. It feels uncomfortable for someone to treat you as average when you show with confidence. Unbothered. Aligned. People subconsciously reconcile that dissonance by upgrading their view of you. It’s how human brains resolve contradiction - they see you being calm and self-assured and they then adapt their view of you to align with that.

• We’re taught to think confidence is intimidating. But that’s backwards. Real confidence is the most grounding thing in the room. When you’re steady in yourself, it spreads. You’re not performing. You’re not needy. You’re not scanning the room for approval. You’re calm. You’re present. That makes people feel safe which is a key ingredient in attraction, connection, chemistry, and alignment.

(listen to episode 692 here)

2. The most important quality in a relationship…

A healthy relationship makes you feel protected, not like you have to protect yourself from being hurt. You deserve to know you’re safe with someone. That you can finally rest. 

But I understand that when you’ve been in survival mode for so long, kindness can feel suspicious. Peace feels given and taken away.

The right person doesn’t put you on edge. They put you at ease. Because finally you’re not someone’s therapist. You’re not their emotional doormat. You’re their partner.

You know they’ve got your back, they are who they say they are… and you don’t have to second-guess it.

3. Restraint

The most important quality in life is restraint. A man without restraint (or anyone of that matter) REACTS - loud, impulsive, defensive. But a man with restraint RESPONDS - calm, clear, grounded. He doesn’t need to react to everything. He regulates his emotions.

He can feel insecure but he doesn’t try to control. He can feel rejected without needing to retaliate. He can be wrong without blaming someone else.

A man who shows emotional restraint is a man who knows how to sit with his own discomfort without making it someone else’s problem.

My name is Case. I believe in the power of perspective.

Say hi on Instagram @case.kenny

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