🧠 Why is inconsistency attractive?

Hello, my friend. I hope you’re finding peace this week and realizing that your self worth is not a group decision. I hope you’re doing what makes you happy, even if you’re doing it alone. Here are three mindsets to inspire you. Let’s go.

- Case Kenny (@case.kenny)

1. Choose someone out of love, not loneliness

“Until you get comfortable with being alone, you'll never know if you're choosing someone out of love or loneliness.” (Mandy Hale)

Today’s podcast episode will help you spot the difference and learn to not seek out love out of loneliness. Only when you find peace in your own solitude can you truly discern between love by choice and love by necessity. More practically said, we have to earn to enjoy our own company first - only then can we tell if we’re with someone for the right reasons.

Until you're content by yourself, you can't be sure if it's love or just a fear of being alone. When you're okay being by yourself, you can better choose companionship for joy, not just relief.

Listen to this episode here.

2. Ambition vs. entitlement

“Ambition is when you expect yourself to close the gap between what you have and what you want. Entitlement is when you expect others to close the gap between what you have and what you want.” — James Clear

I like this quote not as a way shame ourselves or make this about hustle culture and how we need to work harder, but rather as a beacon of hope to encourage you to NOT talk yourself out of having high standards. You are ambitious, you expect a lot from others, you’re confident… because you hold yourself to a high standard. You expect yourself to do the things you say you’ll do. You expect yourself to give the same things you want to receive. You offer what you’re looking for in others. You do what you say you’ll do. That awareness is what makes you deserving of those very things. There’s NOTHING entitled about it.

Remember this the next time someone tells you to be “realistic” or tries to pull you back to their level with a shaming tactic of “don’t be so entitled.” You’re simply expecting people to meet you at your level.

3. Inconsistency is attractive?

Why are we attracted to people who clearly are NOT good for us? (toxic, selfish, narcissist, bad boys), etc. Why are we attracted to people who claim they’re interested but rarely prove it?

Inconsistency tricks you because for every low there is a high… and we love those highs. Those highs are where you have it all - you're with someone who is different, attractive, good in bed, rebellious, confident AND they’re vulnerable AND honest AND kind AND attentive. Those highs are intoxicating because in that moment you have the total package. You have a great partner AND they’re all about you.

BUT then you have the lows where their true colors come out - they ignore you, they ghost you, they’re incredibly selfish, disrespectful, etc.

There is something about being human that makes us overlook those lows once we’ve had a taste of the highs. We become fixated on that high. We almost become addicted to it. There’ve been a lot of studies done on relationships and "addiction" which show how we’re wired to develop chemical dependencies towards certain people and behaviors (e.g. you get a dopamine rush when you experience the high of attention, etc.)

It's similar to the saying "treat them like dirt, stick like mud." We know that's a ridiculous statement yet we find ourselves sticking it out... waiting and hoping for the next high. We put up with being treated like dirt because the person doing it also makes sure to treat you like a queen/king at some point too. That inconsistency tricks your brain into wanting more.

Know this: you should never have to put up with massive lows to experience the highs. You deserve better than someone who is “interested” but inconsistent. You deserve a person, a relationship and a love that is consistent above all else.

My name is Case. I believe in the power of perspective.

Say hi on Instagram @case.kenny

Listen to my twice-weekly podcast