🧠 Confidence, choosing yourself, and the art of optimism

If you chose to start over because you decided no one was coming to save you, you should be insanely proud of yourself.

» my biggest joy is leading my in-person “Language of Optimism” workshops and keynotes. If you work for an organization or community that would benefit from the power of optimism, let’s explore. More information here.

- Case Kenny

1. Advice on confidence is WRONG

For years we’ve been told: “Don’t worry what people think about you, because no one is thinking about you.” 

That’s simply not true. People do think about you. A 2021 study by psychologist Gus Cooney found we dramatically underestimate how often other people think about us - what he calls the “thought gap” - even brief interactions leave a stronger impression than we assume.

The key to confidence isn’t pretending people aren’t thinking about you. The key is accepting that they are - and realizing how little that actually controls your life. Here’s how to take this realization as a source of power.

First: catch the assumption.
When you feel embarrassed or judged, ask, “What am I assuming right now?” Most suffering happens in the leap from “they looked at me” to “they hate me.”

Second: look for evidence.
Not vibes or imagined stories - actual evidence. Most of the time, there is none, and a moment of pause exposes the difference between what happened and what you decided it meant.

Third: normalize being seen.
Humans think thousands of thoughts a day, many of them social - it’s normal to cross someone’s mind. Being noticed is not dangerous, even if it feels uncomfortable.

Fourth: redirect your attention.
When you obsess over how you’re being perceived, you stop being present. Shift from self - monitoring to actually doing the thing you’re doing.

Fifth: decide what version of you is worth being judged for.
People will judge you anyway, so let it be for the real version of you. Honest, curious, enthusiastic beats invisible and carefully edited.

You can’t control how people interpret you. But you can control how you show up - and that’s where real confidence lives.

2. Give yourself credit

If you turned your lowest point into the moment you finally chose yourself, you should be insanely proud of yourself.

3. The law of attraction (be specific)

A major cheat code to attracting the life you want is training your brain to expect it.

Research has found that people who can specifically name what they’re looking forward to are 42% more likely to turn it into a reality.

When you give yourself permission to look forward to something specific in the future, you open the door for it to find you. That’s why optimism works - your brain doesn’t wait for good things to happen, it attracts what you expect. 

When your brain believes a future is possible, it filters your world for ways to make it inevitable. So be specific about what you want.

Don’t be subtle. Name exactly what you want in a relationship, in bed, in your bank account, and on your pizza. Specificity and anticipation are magnets.

Optimism is the art of walking through life like good things are already on their way.

Some things I’m excited about…

New podcast episode

759 - Most advice about confidence is wrong. In this episode, I talk about how to truly not care what people think about you. I talk about a simple method to use the fact that people ARE judging you to your advantage.

FREE audiobook

If you’re in the US and have Spotify Premium, you can listen to the audiobook version of “The Opposite of Settling” for FREE. No strings attached. Just click here.

A reminder…

You were put on earth to be so wildly passionate that people can't decide if you’re crazy or a genius.

My name is Case. I’m passionate about the language of optimism.

For speaking/keynote inquiries click here

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