🧠 The case for being "too much"

Hello, my friend. Here are three mindsets to start your week… and set you free. The happiest people I know are just oddballs who never let the world put a limit on their passion. This week is a good week to take back some passion :)

- Case Kenny (@case.kenny)

1. The logical case for being “too much”

We have to tell other people how we want to be treated. We have to speak our minds. We have to be “too much.” We have to be honest about who we are and what we need. We need to do those things or we can’t possibly expect someone else to know how to truly love and appreciate us.

I’m sure you’ve had experiences where you spoke your truth clearly and early. But then life kicked in and someone who didn’t understand it, they misinterpreted it, they saw it as a threat to their own needs or their agenda. You came across someone who belittled your honesty and your needs. And there you were thinking you learned a valuable lesson. There you were thinking that lesson was you’re better off hiding certain fundamental truths and needs than being “too much.”

"Who me? No I’m the coooool chillllll partner. I don't need much. I’m good. I’m a go with the flow kinda person."

The truth is that the words we don’t say do us absolutely no favors. Pretending to be a certain way so as to not come off as too needy, insecure, too confident or too aggressive does us no favors. Why?

Because how we act shows people how we want to be treated. Plain and simple. When you hold back, when you pretend, when you act… you’re telling people that you don’t need more. AND you’re attracting those kinds of people into your life. And those people will either think you’re someone you’re not or they’ll think you're cool with minimizing yourself.

You show people with the words you use how you want to be treated and if you don’t speak up and say "here is what I need"… you’re leaving your treatment up to luck and hope that someone will naturally just know.

The words we don’t say have the opposite effect of what we think they do.

You might think being cool, chill, laid back and not needing much makes you easier to love. But it’s the opposite. It’s making a fake version of you easier to love and the real you harder to love. It’s literally a slap in the face to what you really need. It’s training someone else that you don’t need more.

Honesty gets you a lot more than you think in life. Honesty shows other people how you want to be treated. It takes the guesswork out of your needs. A mature partner will love that. A mature partner who wants you to be happy will love that you’re guiding them to help you be happy.

How is someone supposed to know your boundaries unless you tell them?How is someone supposed to know what you like to hear unless you tell them? How is someone supposed to know how you want to be loved unless you tell them?

The words you don’t say don’t make you easier to love… it’s the opposite. They make the fake version of you easier to love. The words you don’t say serve no purpose other than being a disservice to what you need, the experiences you’ve already had and the lessons you’ve learned.

The words you don’t say show people how you want to be treated. Are you OK with not honoring what you really need? Are you OK with a lifetime of hiding those things? Speak up. If that makes you “too much,” so be it.

2. When someone judges you unfairly…

In today’s episode of the podcast I talk about the people who think they’ve read your entire book based on the one paragraph they’ve skimmed. You know those kind of people - the people who think they know you based on one conversation, one date, one photo, etc. These are the people who judge you prematurely and unfairly. They tell themselves a story to fill in the blank based on their life, their doubts, and their insecurities.

How should you react to them? Should you try to change their mind? What should you do in reaction to the stories they tell themselves about you?

Listen here.

3. New mantras…

Let’s make a decision. This week, let’s decide that what we’ve learned and who we want to be as a result is MORE important than comfort, other people’s praise, or being “on time.” Repeat after me:

I’d rather live with the “oh wells” of trying than the “what ifs” of waiting.

I'd rather be a hot mess living life fully than perfect playing it safe.

I'd rather be labeled as “difficult” than allow myself to be treated as a doormat.

I’d rather have bruises from leaping into the unknown than scars from the shackles of fear.

I’d rather be misunderstood for being genuine than praised for being fake.

I’d rather get lost in a city I've never been to than know every corner of my comfort zone.

I'd rather be a “gets excited about the little things’' type of person, than miss out on joy in the world.

My name is Case. I believe in the power of perspective.

Say hi on Instagram @case.kenny

Listen to my twice-weekly podcast